Friday, November 16, 2007

Motivation? @ 9:49 PM

Everyone around me is getting a job, which means they probably have their future (or at least for the next 5 years) planned out.

And here I am, escaping from the realities, just because I got a few Masters applications on hand and GRE test to study.

I've been missing quite a lot of school this week, just simply because I couldnt wake up, or I woke up with a headache, and prompty went back to sleep. The reason ? For 1 hour of GRE-studying, I need at least 5 hours to get into the *mode* by the time I think i've done enough GRE for the day, the clock will register 4 am. and Dang, i will miss the lectures tomorrow.

I need to learn how to multi-task, or rather increase my level of concentration.

I think I have always been in the comfortable zone of studying. A friend proclaimed that my PSLE/O levels results were shag ( compared to my other LSE peers), but still I ended up at the same place. i don't think it has to do with the fact that I suddenly because super hardworking towards the the end. It's just that, from the start, I've always made a choice of concentrating on my Maths n Science subjects, practically ignoring my language n humanities. (I'm suffering the consequences now ouch!). Coincidentally, as I grow older, I was able to make my choice of subjects skewed towards the maths n sciences. So, people may think that i've improved as I grow older because I've become more hardworking. But in fact, that's not true at all. I don't recall being more hardworking during my A's than my PSLE.

Of course, I've regretted along the way. For eg, not working hard enough to get my distinctions on those S papers, for a 1st in econs and for higher marks in my 2nd year. But because I've done pretty okay so far, I never see the need to actually change my studying method. But I've come to realise that, I shouldn't take everything for granted. There will come a point whereby the current attitude to studying will not be enough to sustain me and I will end up failing every single subjects.

Sometimes I think my parents may have a part in it as well. Back to being regretful, I always know if I've not done the papers well right after finishing the examinations. And my parents, thinking that I've put in 100%, will console me by saying that it's alright ( back to the topic of doing pretty okay). In actual fact, I probably only give in 50%? Not sure though. Ha but my parents always tell me not to aim so high ( I think they are scared that one day I might jump off a building, maybe because I grew up as a gloomy child). So, I will go back into thinking, well it's okay. Then when the results come out, I will start regretting again. Only to be soothed by another wave of consolation. Anyway, the cycle just continues.

Ok, I think I've digressed quite a lot. The main thing is that, I need to grow out of my shell. I need to start to work really hard for something. I need to stop missing lectures!

Ha, I think I've lost my train of thoughts, that's why I can never write a good essay. I get carried away too easily. (that's a typical console-myself example)

I should stop wasting time and get back to work.

I'm going to finish all my masters apps within this week, in the mean time studying for GRE and researching for internships during my leisure time. (Ok, maybe that's a little too harsh, I shall smuggle in one drama or two!)

Friday, November 16, 2007

Motivation? @ 9:49 PM

Everyone around me is getting a job, which means they probably have their future (or at least for the next 5 years) planned out.

And here I am, escaping from the realities, just because I got a few Masters applications on hand and GRE test to study.

I've been missing quite a lot of school this week, just simply because I couldnt wake up, or I woke up with a headache, and prompty went back to sleep. The reason ? For 1 hour of GRE-studying, I need at least 5 hours to get into the *mode* by the time I think i've done enough GRE for the day, the clock will register 4 am. and Dang, i will miss the lectures tomorrow.

I need to learn how to multi-task, or rather increase my level of concentration.

I think I have always been in the comfortable zone of studying. A friend proclaimed that my PSLE/O levels results were shag ( compared to my other LSE peers), but still I ended up at the same place. i don't think it has to do with the fact that I suddenly because super hardworking towards the the end. It's just that, from the start, I've always made a choice of concentrating on my Maths n Science subjects, practically ignoring my language n humanities. (I'm suffering the consequences now ouch!). Coincidentally, as I grow older, I was able to make my choice of subjects skewed towards the maths n sciences. So, people may think that i've improved as I grow older because I've become more hardworking. But in fact, that's not true at all. I don't recall being more hardworking during my A's than my PSLE.

Of course, I've regretted along the way. For eg, not working hard enough to get my distinctions on those S papers, for a 1st in econs and for higher marks in my 2nd year. But because I've done pretty okay so far, I never see the need to actually change my studying method. But I've come to realise that, I shouldn't take everything for granted. There will come a point whereby the current attitude to studying will not be enough to sustain me and I will end up failing every single subjects.

Sometimes I think my parents may have a part in it as well. Back to being regretful, I always know if I've not done the papers well right after finishing the examinations. And my parents, thinking that I've put in 100%, will console me by saying that it's alright ( back to the topic of doing pretty okay). In actual fact, I probably only give in 50%? Not sure though. Ha but my parents always tell me not to aim so high ( I think they are scared that one day I might jump off a building, maybe because I grew up as a gloomy child). So, I will go back into thinking, well it's okay. Then when the results come out, I will start regretting again. Only to be soothed by another wave of consolation. Anyway, the cycle just continues.

Ok, I think I've digressed quite a lot. The main thing is that, I need to grow out of my shell. I need to start to work really hard for something. I need to stop missing lectures!

Ha, I think I've lost my train of thoughts, that's why I can never write a good essay. I get carried away too easily. (that's a typical console-myself example)

I should stop wasting time and get back to work.

I'm going to finish all my masters apps within this week, in the mean time studying for GRE and researching for internships during my leisure time. (Ok, maybe that's a little too harsh, I shall smuggle in one drama or two!)